Breaking the Neurotic Cycle for Good

I have just received the weekly newsletter i subscribe to from the positivity blog, and this week the topic was about the different traits characterizing highly ineffective people. Of the six traits discussed therein, i am guilty of numbers 3 and 4, especially 4 "thinking too much."

It is conspicuous, isn't it? Though i may not be as ineffective as most people, still i keep bad habits that hamper my efficiency, the most prominent of which is my penchant for over-analyzing situations. As a writer, it is but natural that i use my head almost 100% of the time, particularly at work. However, as is my typical nature, there are times when my thoughts just run away from me. No it is not my imagination working over time(which is really not unusual in itself given that i also have one hell of a wild imagination), but my analytical mind. Just like everything else, too much of a good thing turns bad, and thinking, though mandatory for homo sapiens, can be lethal the moment it becomes inexorable.

But all is not lost. It is not yet too late to put on the breaks and make a change for the better. And so i am breaking this cycle, this pattern of letting my thoughts overtake me, which has been a compulsive and somewhat(just somewhat?LOL) burdening habit i(fear) was born with. Actually, i already made some progress even before i came to realize the need to do this. Overworking my brain by taking on more than enough writing job that i could handle (I owe myself an apology for beating my mind so due to this.) has worked my machine head way too much to the point of breaking... Thinking almost non-stop pushed it to maximum overload that i do not even had to worry about getting lulled to sleep, for i automatically doze off as soon as my back touches my bed. Several times in the past week, i fell asleep in my work clothes. Often, i dozed off in the car en route to the office and back home.

Way back in high school, my knowledge of how different i am compared to my peers lead me to think that i was nuts. Then it dawned to me that a psycho could never possibly be aware of his condition since his illness renders him incapable of being self-aware. The fact that i was questioning my sanity only proved that i was self-aware, meaning i am perfectly sane. I was just not the typical teenage girl in terms of how my mind works, despite being just another face in a crowd of innocent lasses educated to conform to strict standards.

Does this mean i should stop doing self-introspection via spilling my thoughts on this blog? No not at all. I am using this blog as a ranting page besides being a vehicle for promoting my services as a writer, editor, and artist. All i have to do is to control my over-active mind. At times, instead of continuously digging into my psyche(which has started to repulse me lately), i should discuss other matters in a beneficial way for me--diverting my focus while relaxing my mind at the same time. By this, i would have to strictly follow a list of measures intended to keep my mind from getting taxed needlessly. These measures are self-improvement means on their own. Aside from reining in my compulsion to "think too much," they also better me on the whole from the inside-out, and maybe, even vice-versa.

• No more Ms.Worrywart.

Says Katherine Schwarzenneger in an article i've read yesterday, " Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything, and it steals your happiness." I cannot agree with her more on this. Before i have written an article talking about the demerits of worrying. Easier said than done, the compulsion to worry is not as easy to break regardless of how well aware i am of  its potential to kill me from within little by little. I used to be quite a worrywart when i was younger. But as the years added on, i sobered up and became wiser. These days, though i worry when facing certain situations, i can proudly say that i no longer fall into the same category. In other words, i am no longer the neurotic damsel i used to be! Yippeeee!!!

With uncertainty confronting me on a daily basis, worrying is inevitable. Nonetheless, i am adamant about keeping control. I consider the matter carefully for a while, thinking over the vital aspects only and how they would figure out in my immediate present and near future. Then without further ado, i just stop there and not think about it anymore. Though hard at first, as the temptation to think of it nags at your brain from time to time, with persistence and practice i eventually got the hang of it. Soon enough it ingrained itself into my system that the whole process becomes automatic. When this happened, i succeeded in...

• Killing the paranoid android(Better yet, kept myself from becoming a paranoid android).

Excessive worrying turns a person into a paranoid android who is lorded over by his own fears and anxieties. I am not quite sure if i had reached the point whereby i have already morphed into this uncontrollable worrywart i call the "paranoid android." The moment worry dominates your consciousness, you become paranoid programmed solely by your anxieties much like an android--and needless to say, i think i would be better off dead than live pathetically like this, being a slave to my own fears.

• Control curiosity and use my emotions productively.

When red days near and i find myself thinking of my love more often than usual, all i have to do is close my eyes and indulge myself with thoughts of him(nothing sexual just romantic LOL). Never again would i check out if he is at Oasis or anywhere else online. At times the need for having him near can be quite unbearable. Though i have yet to actually know how it feels to be in his arms, it does nothing to keep myself from thinking about him and wanting him so much to the point that it already becomes a driving need. Whenever i am at the mercy of my yearning for him, and i feel as if i am about to burst from this surge of too much love for him, i would just vent my frustrations by writing poems, anecdotes, blogging, or sketching/painting. This way, i get to use the time and my emotions wisely while protecting myself from unwanted anxieties or ideas that may crop up from satiating my curiosity.

Okay, for now this would have to do. I am now itching to check out the new clothes available at Looklet--a virtual community for wanna-be/real fashion stylists, and try them out. I still have five more pointers to discuss and elaborate on. Today was exhausting(as usual), but not too much compared to the past weeks.  Losing the project was not at all that bad. On the upside, i get to enjoy my free time, thus keeping myself sane and physically healthy.

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